Footprints

Here's the obligatory apology for not posting since school started despite my best intentions... And here's the sincere reason that ties in with the entire post...

I want to be positive, about everything, all the time. I want to be strong and competent; never showing weakness, fear, or pain...you know that type of person you expect your doctor to be, right? Well the truth is, there hasn't been much of that at all this year. Every time I started writing something, even with an awesome positive incident, it just started taking on a negative feel that's been overwhelming me. (I'll try to go back and put in some of the funny stories) The spring term has gotten worse. It's not the course work, I can handle that. But the other aspects have been more challenging. Three weeks in to the school year, my shoulder was reinjured setting me back over a year of rehab. Somedays I can handle the pain and muscle spasms, other days I try to hide so no one can see. Friendships are strange here, we are all just going 130mph so that nothing seems real...more like a dead shell with nothing on the inside. Even worse though has been the homesickness. I miss all the Alaska kids so much that just thinking about them can make me cry in under 30 seconds. But here's the positive side. While praying tonight, I remembered the 'Footprints' poem and it was definitely a God thing. Nothing remotely close to that had crossed my mind since Ecuador. I'll post it below in case some of you don't know it. But my faith has been a struggle here, not that I don't believe or anything like that... more that I feel luke-warm without any passion that used to be there. I've been wondering why I can go through the motions, but I can't feel like I'm walking with God. Tonight I realized that I haven't been walking with God for over a month...He's been carrying me the entire way. People have commented that I'm still making it, despite all the shoulder and migraine problems...but I'm not making it, and I can't do this. However, that's okay because Christ can and that's is more strength than I'll ever need.

"Footprints
One night a man had a dream. He dreamed He was walking along the beach with the LORD. Across the sky flashed scenes from His life. For each scene He noticed two sets of footprints in the sand. One belonging to Him and the other to the LORD.

When the last scene of His life flashed before Him, he looked back at the footprints in the sand. He noticed that many times along the path of His life there was only one set of footprints. He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times of His life.

This really bothered Him and He questioned the LORD about it. LORD you said that once I decided to follow you, you'd walk with me all the way. But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life there is only one set of footprints. I don't understand why when I needed you most you would leave me.

The LORD replied, my precious, precious child, I Love you and I would never leave you! During your times of trial and suffering when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you."