God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity

Go get some exercise...

2011-09-12T21:26:00.002-08:00

Those were the words of my precepting physician today at 630pm after a normal clinic day. It was bright and sunny out and he was stuck there for a bit longer...said I should go enjoy it for him. It never takes much to convince me to get outside and this was no exception. Went home, changed, and grabbed my bike to check out some of the UAF trails.

It's amazing how comfortable I was mountain biking when I was 13, and how utterly fearless. I started on a narrow single track trail I would have never thought twice about back then. However, came down a hill, around a corner and the trail abruptly narrowed to the point my handlebars wouldn't fit between the trees.

*CRASH*

I slowed down enough that it didn't do any real damage, but still felt it in my shoulder and wrist. However I had just started and couldn't give up yet without a major strike to my self esteem. So kept going for another few miles. It was beautiful and peaceful until I rode down another hill into a clearing...there 8ft away on my left was a moose and her two calves. You know it's way too close when looking straight at the moose you can't see the entire animal without moving your eyes! Fortunately the calves were behind her; I took a hard right and booked it hoping she wouldn't feel threatened. Glanced back once I got to the trees on the other side and I was free and clear! :) Decided that this was enough and turned on the trail to take me out of the woods and back home. I had studied the map, was sure of where I was going but the trail slowly got wetter and wetter until it ended at a pond/swamp with the full moon reflecting off it.

It was gorgeous, not where I had intended to end up, but a beautiful blessing anyway. Stopped and spent some time to just be and appreciate my surroundings. Thanked God for protecting me against a funky shoulder and/or wrist deformity. Thanked God that I didn't become a moose's tap dancing surface. And thanked Him for the unexpected detours that remind us of His glorious never-ending presence in life.

Found the "trail" back to the road (which quickly disappeared and wasn't really a trail even by my standards) but I didn't care. Just waded through the water and brush carrying my bike. I finally got to the road and biked home under the clear sky and full moon; sore but completely at peace. Thanks Lord, I love you.

Why do I trust people?

2010-04-01T22:03:00.001-08:00

I don’t understand it. Neurologically it makes no sense whatsoever. But I study really well in a bar with wireless. I think it’s something about the complete over sensory stimulation that goes beyond irritation (causing a migraine) to just background noise that drives me to an intense concentration interrupted only by brief moments of people watching that reset my eyes from staring at the computer screen and going blurry. That being said, too many people (shoulder to shoulder) put me on edge, almost to the point of a panic attack, and I can’t really cope with that at all. I think it was kind of the same as emergency medicine, I did well at that except for the motion sickness in the back of the ambulance. However, the sicker the patient was, the less I was affected. Give me a taxi ride patient and when we got there the doctor would look at me like “who’s really the patient”; severe patient, no problem. I liked throwing out all the irrelevant and just focusing on the problem and the task at hand.

So here I am, at a bar for my once every three week routine. Just finished writing my community and behavioral health paper, one beer, and feeling really weird. Not saying that anything happened for sure, maybe I’m just more stressed than I thought and it affected me a lot sooner and different than I’m used to. That being said, why do I do this? I got up and went to the bathroom leaving my drink on the table when the bar is 75% full and I’m by myself. I’ve gotten ruffied before, twice for sure; you think I would have learned. As far as I have noticed, no one has spent an excess amount of time looking at me, but I’m an easy target. Always am. So why do I trust people? Why do I think people are inheritantly good despite experience? Is it a faith thing? I really don’t know, but I have faith that tonight will be okay anyway. Maybe if someone starts hitting on me I can tell them about God’s love (or just scare them away if they’re not ready yet). I know, strange way of think about it. Why do I trust people, even strangers, so much? …but back to physiology, maybe I’ll still remember how norepinephrine works through the haziness…

A really good trip home (Part 1)

2010-03-15T23:36:00.000-08:00

It’s not over yet, I’ve still got one more day to see friends, visit the fire department, catch up on some studying and go to Moose’s Tooth. However, this trip home so far has been awesome and much needed!
--spend time with the Hawes family…check
--spend time with the Doepken family…check
--visit Dr. Perkins…check
--try to set up some 3rd and 4th year rotations…kind of check (tried, but…)
--go to the Girdwood Chapel…check
--beer with the pastor…check
--enjoy little kids and just life in general…check!!!

I love being home. It’s snowed, it’s been sunny, and I got to see real mountains again. I miss this place…I miss the kids, I miss the community, and I miss having a church family that knows everyone. One of the reoccurring comments this trip was that I need to find a church for fellowship in Yakima. It’s not that I don’t know this and haven’t been trying, but nothing seems to fit. There may be a lot of areas in my walk with Christ that still need a bunch of work and he’s still working on me; however, I feel I’ve learned to recognize the Spirit’s proddings. If I have failed at everything else in my life, this has gotten me to where I am now and I know I’m where I should be.

First term went incredibly well, better than I could have ever hoped. Second term has been more of a challenge, especially after a 6 day pain-induced insomnia stretch that led to failing 3 out of 4 tests by one point each. It was frustrating and discouraging, but I came back from it with a LOT of prayer. My grades are doing pretty well now, and have even been asked to start tutoring one of the classes. But I miss having a community. I must have tried 12 to 15 churches in Yakima, even tried to force a couple of them to work, but it’s not there. I think it may be time to go back to the Catholic church for this season. Maybe not for good, probably not, but at least at this point I may need to face the issues and stereotypes that drove me away in the first place. The church I grew up in was Catholic… we were strongly discouraged from praying to God because he was too busy and we’d just say the wrong stuff anyway. Instead we could only pray to Mary and the saints (to me this seems like worshiping them, so please someone give me another insight). We also weren’t allowed to read the bible because we were too stupid and would just misinterpret it. (I’m with Luther here) Those are the two biggest issues for me, there are other little ones as well, but I won’t drag on with those.

Over the last three years, I’ve made several Catholic friends that I highly respect and do read the bible and pray to God. They even seem to have a personal relationship with God, something I’ve only known was possible for the last 5 years. I’m starting to feel this is just another stage of journeying and maturing with God…to go back my roots and embrace what was good and true and holy, and yet be able to sift out the rest with prayer and dedication to His Word. I’d appreciate any insight and guidance from you guys…this is a really big step for me.

Footprints

2010-02-16T00:13:00.002-09:00

Here's the obligatory apology for not posting since school started despite my best intentions... And here's the sincere reason that ties in with the entire post...

I want to be positive, about everything, all the time. I want to be strong and competent; never showing weakness, fear, or pain...you know that type of person you expect your doctor to be, right? Well the truth is, there hasn't been much of that at all this year. Every time I started writing something, even with an awesome positive incident, it just started taking on a negative feel that's been overwhelming me. (I'll try to go back and put in some of the funny stories) The spring term has gotten worse. It's not the course work, I can handle that. But the other aspects have been more challenging. Three weeks in to the school year, my shoulder was reinjured setting me back over a year of rehab. Somedays I can handle the pain and muscle spasms, other days I try to hide so no one can see. Friendships are strange here, we are all just going 130mph so that nothing seems real...more like a dead shell with nothing on the inside. Even worse though has been the homesickness. I miss all the Alaska kids so much that just thinking about them can make me cry in under 30 seconds. But here's the positive side. While praying tonight, I remembered the 'Footprints' poem and it was definitely a God thing. Nothing remotely close to that had crossed my mind since Ecuador. I'll post it below in case some of you don't know it. But my faith has been a struggle here, not that I don't believe or anything like that... more that I feel luke-warm without any passion that used to be there. I've been wondering why I can go through the motions, but I can't feel like I'm walking with God. Tonight I realized that I haven't been walking with God for over a month...He's been carrying me the entire way. People have commented that I'm still making it, despite all the shoulder and migraine problems...but I'm not making it, and I can't do this. However, that's okay because Christ can and that's is more strength than I'll ever need.

"Footprints
One night a man had a dream. He dreamed He was walking along the beach with the LORD. Across the sky flashed scenes from His life. For each scene He noticed two sets of footprints in the sand. One belonging to Him and the other to the LORD.

When the last scene of His life flashed before Him, he looked back at the footprints in the sand. He noticed that many times along the path of His life there was only one set of footprints. He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times of His life.

This really bothered Him and He questioned the LORD about it. LORD you said that once I decided to follow you, you'd walk with me all the way. But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life there is only one set of footprints. I don't understand why when I needed you most you would leave me.

The LORD replied, my precious, precious child, I Love you and I would never leave you! During your times of trial and suffering when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you."

It's the REAL day 1 tomorrow

2009-08-09T23:18:00.002-08:00

So I should be sleeping instead of writing in a blog I haven't had time for in almost six months, but... Now that I have internet access consistently maybe I'll jot down some quick stuff more frequently. In case some of you don't know, I'm in Yakima, WA and tomorrow starts the first day of medical classes. I should be nervous and anxious and all that other negative stuff after hearing how hard it is, but for now I'm just excited. Eight am clinical skills tomorrow, I can't wait.

VOLCANO!!

2009-03-22T23:48:00.002-08:00

Hi there, especially you lower 48 people,

I know I should be putting up a post about getting into school, or that I'm going to Yakima, WA next year. But right now I'm too distracted to do much productive studying or write anything about it. So instead...

OUR VOLCANO REDOUBT ERUPTED!!! Here's the last three USGS releases
2009-03-22 22:35:33
No eruption has yet occurred, however at these heightened levels of seismicity, there could be a quick escalation to eruptive activity.

2009-03-22 23:02:22
An eruption of Mt. Redoubt began at approximately 22:38 AKDT, March 22, 2009 (0638 UTC). AVO is raising the aviation color code to Red and the alert level to Warning. Initial height of the eruption cloud is estimated at less than 20,000 ft above sea level at present. Further reports will be issued as more information becomes available.

2009-03-22 23:20:21
Current estimate for eruption cloud height are 50,000 ft above sea level.

Here's the website if you want to look:
http://www.avo.alaska.edu/activity/Redoubt.php

I'll post more later, on the volcano and on school. Now it's back to the thesis (ick)

Wine Pairing

2009-01-23T22:22:00.003-09:00

Well I haven't posted in a while, so I figured a short, laid back post was good. So tonight's meal featured cookies and chardonney. Not really that bad of a combination if you wear carhartts.

A Good-bye to O Chem

2008-12-07T20:00:00.000-09:00

I can’t believe I’m saying this, and friends tell me I’m crazy…but honest to goodness, absolutely no sarcasm, I’m sad that my organic chemistry classes are done. Less than a year ago I would have never imagined. There’s a couple reasons I think. One: In comparison to my two intro biology (now that could be a curse word) classes I actually got to think and not just memorize. There was actually a challenge, one that was only attainable with work and logical reasoning. It’s like learning a foreign language with all the amazement of how everything comes together but with less nouns, verbs, and adjectives to memorize.

Two: Dr. Perry, our professor wins the award for the best professor I’ve ever had. He hit all the critical points that are so hard to do. Knowledgeable in the subject (don’t laugh, I’ve had plenty that aren’t), speaks English (another don’t laugh one), genuinely interested in what he’s teaching and wants you to be too, knows how to communicate the material simply and concisely, doesn’t make students keep doing something over and over again just because he can, has high expectations of students and is challenging, and is approachable. I definitely have a list of the top four profs, and surprisingly two are from UAA so yeah, go there.

Three: After spending so much time with the other students in the class, it was a bonding experience. “Hey let’s try to pass Dr. Perry’s chem class!” I actually know every single person in my lab and have had a conversation with them and studied together. That doesn’t usually happen. It was nice that it was a lot of the same people from the summer lecture. We’d be in the middle of the hall or in the lab talking about chemistry and it wasn’t even near the class time. It was such a great relief from Girdwood, “dude, man, that was some sick pow.” Don’t get me wrong, I love skiing, but I’d like to have an intelligent conversation about something else sometimes…especially ones without the funny slang. Anyway, it just reminded me of trying to figure out different wave phenomenon in my electrical engineering courses by bouncing jelly beans off the walls and observing which colors bounced better. (Not a Michigan Tech sanctioned study technique, but if you’re curious the pink ones bounce the best and the white ones are the more of duds.)

So I will miss O chem, but am enthusiastically looking forward to all those experiences in med school. God willing, it won’t be delayed…in his perfect timing, right?

Now I know I'm an adult

2008-11-01T16:18:00.002-08:00

Every once and a while something happens, or doesn't happen, that reminds me I'm really an adult. This time it was Halloween. I bunch of my classmates were going to parties but they're younger than me and most under 21. I don't need to be at that kind of a party. Instead I didn't plan on doing anything. Last year I got candy, but no one came down, so this year I didn't bother. I had a little oh, no moment when I got a call from a friend with kids who said they were going to bring them down. Then ran to the gas station to get some candy quick. My big accomplishment was to clean all the frost build-up out of the freezer. Yup, definitely an adult now. And like I'm sure every does, I tried to come up with many creative ways to make the process much more efficient. So for those of you with access to syringes, the best method I came up with was to take a small syringe and boiling water and inject it into the ice build-up. Don't delay at chipping it out though, otherwise it just freezes harder. Sorry, being an adult is kind of boring sometimes.

Midterm Time

2008-10-21T01:07:00.002-08:00

I wish I had something exciting like a mountain climb, bear chase, chainsaw carving contest etc to write about but nope. I could make something up, but it's midterms and I probably shouldn't spend my time that way. So here's my uneventful life update. I'm still doing school applications, it is absolutely ridiculous how much they can find to ask about. Happily, I've gotten secondary requests from every school I've applied to so far. Three of them are done, but I'm still working on the WWAMI second personal essay... I'm three-quarters the way through the osteopathic primary. Classes are going well. I've gotten one test back so far, 100%. I can't help but get excited every time God numerically tells me I'm going to be a doctor. Sweet. Unfortunately I'm not as excited about the classes this term. They're easy but time consuming...not my favorite combination. Organic chemistry lab is still pretty interesting but there's a lot of basics and tedium to filter through for the good parts.

I'm back on calls for the fire department, since Sept. 1st actually. That's been really nice. Still light duty, I don't know how long that will be for. Drafting work has been slow. I'd appreciate any prayers for more work.

Upcoming events: Fairbanks trip perhaps Nov.1st, Youth retreat in Hope Nov 14-15th I'll probably have something exciting to write by then. Most likely with mud fight pictures too. Have a great evening, I've got a text book to cuddle up with.

Summer Break

2008-08-31T21:20:00.010-08:00

Sorry I've been kind of pathetic with posting lately. Here's the update for the last month and I promise I'll make it up with a couple awesome pictures.

Organic chem lecture is done! Yes, yes yes. And with mostly all help from God I pulled an A both terms which was critical in having my past grades overlooked when applying for school. I took the MCATs on Aug 22nd...and then it started. Summer (weekend) Break! It was wonderful and everything I could have hoped for except longer.

Day -1, Friday: Got done with the test, not quite as well as I wanted, but I'll wait til scores come out to stress more. Went immediately to the library to work on the school application and waiting on some friends to call for the Moose's Tooth. The day ended with beer, pizza, and good company. Ross's friend Camille came down to hike with us the next day and stayed at my cabin. I'm always thrilled to show people a true Alaskan experience.

Day 1, Saturday: We started at 8am bushwhacking up the side of Goat mt. Actually it was some of the best and easiest bushwhacking I've ever done in Alaska. But that doesn't say much, its always extremely demanding. At around noon we made the ridge, ate lunch, and enjoyed the view and invigorating wind. We hiked up for another 2 hours and then hit a place that we would have to rope up for. Although we brought rope along, it was snowing and getting worse and we had a great day anyway. It just wasn't worth the risk so we swallowed the pride and ambition and went down. It was a good thing (my shoulder really hurt by the time we got back to bushwhacking) We made it down after 10.5 hours. Ordered some yam fries from Jack Sprats (they should be more famous than the Double Musky), opened a bottle of wine, and grilled some salmon fillets from Ross's family. Perfect.

Here's the rest of the pics if you want: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=152427&l=13a4b&id=652755300

Day 2, Sunday: Ross and I drove up to the state fair at not quite as early, but still a little too early. We got to go see some friends play good music, eat food, and then drove up to Hatcher's pass and scouted some climbing routes. It was raining but we were tired anyway.

Day 3, Monday: Oh no, 830am lab, here we go again...

Risking Love

2008-07-24T11:35:00.003-08:00

It’s been a while since I’ve had something really resonate with me while reading my bible. I hope that was only to really permanently drive home tonight’s lesson. For quite sometime I’ve been well aware of the risk required to love someone. I did not understand however the risk in loving God. How can loving God be a risk at all? He’s always there, will never leave, and loves us more than we could ever comprehend. How is there any risk at all?! And if there is no risk, why is it so hard to follow him as the bible tells us to? I’d get frustrated if I fell short somewhere, saying how can I love God more because obviously I don’t care enough or I wouldn’t struggle with that issue.

But the risk doesn’t come with love, it comes with trust. Trusting God when we don’t know his plan is tough and does take love. I read a short passage out of the Upper Room and it spoke about certainties in marriage…what doesn’t come with a warranty. It’s kind of silly to think of forcing God into a warranty. “Ok God, today I will feed the dog, smile at someone in traffic, and not cheat on my homework, but in exchange I want eternal life.” Talk about cheapening love and a gift. I was always confused on legalism and walking with God…I want to do what I should to please him and definitely don’t want to sin out-right. Yet if I focus on that and what I shouldn’t do isn’t that legalism?

So here’s my latest revelation…the time we spend planning and hitting checklists for a future payout without noticing the present is cheating God and us of that relationship. Think of it as a boyfriend who plans a big date with dinner and flowers with the only goal of getting in his girlfriend’s pants at the end of the night, never stopping once to enjoy the evening. (sorry guys, I know that happens the other way too) I think that is what we do to God when we try to narrow faith down into dos and don’t dos. Legalism is just like manipulating someone to get what you want. However if we stop trying to plan our good deeds, driving down the highway with blinders on, we may just end up pulling over to help someone with a flat tire and enjoying it. Think of it as a date with God, one where our time schedule interacts with His and leaves life interrupted and fulfilled. I really wish I could write better because it was a cool and new revelation, yet reading over it just seems like something I heard before. So I guess the question is really do we enjoy God's presence enough regardless of the circumstances that tomorrow doesn't matter?

Flying Tackle Hugs

2008-07-13T22:51:00.002-08:00

Technically I should be working, studying, or writing my application essay right now, however I strive to minor in procrastination so instead you get to read about my day...

It is fairly pathetic that the most dangerous thing I do anymore is go to church. Sounds funny, but that is the only place I still need to wear my sling. And given my 100% injury aggravation rate at Change Point I should just stop going. Instead I got guilt tripped into an indoor playground full of 32 four and five year olds. I seem to have this really fun gift of little kids instantly liking me...no complaints there. (It would be really cool than if my school interview was done by five-year olds!) Anyway I was sitting on the floor playing dinosaurs relatively quietly with six of the kids when from out of nowhere this little boy comes flying through the air dead at me and wraps his arms around my neck knocking both of us over backwards. He had climbed up on one of the support beams with the express purpose of getting a swinging start to launch himself into my lap and give me a flying tackle hug. I have to say the kid has good aim. I pointed out my quite obvious sling and told him that we need to be careful not to hurt it anymore. To which he responds.."but I LIKE you." Okay, different approach...I then told him he could only attack my other side ..."but you're my friend" Now tell me how you can't laugh at that. I had only meet this little boy five minutes ago. I gave up and carefully watched to make sure he always stayed on my right side after that.

Don't ask me where this thought leap came from, but it seemed that usually friends are the ones that hurt you the most. Yet it's always worth it, easy to forgive, and usually ends up making you laugh too.

One more challenge down

2008-06-26T13:19:00.003-08:00

I know it's nowhere close to over yet, but I'm going to enjoy the relief and elation for at least the next three hours. I got an A in organic chemistry!! I was starting to have a few concerns after the my shoulder was doing poorly for the final and there's large blocks of time that day that I don't remember, including part of the final. I really need to learn how to just trust God more. However it's confusing how that looks when studying and working your butt off is part of being faithful. Hopefully I'll figure it out before August 22nd for the mcats. Now it's onto O Chem II class...challenge number 2. And if you see Ross, the temporary hermit, don't forget to send him the same blessing for his USMLEs next week.

A Bittersweet Milestone

2008-06-19T19:10:00.003-08:00

Today is exactly 100 days since shoulder surgery. So for the last 3 months ('plus a little'--which is very important to me) I have not been allowed to lift even the weight of my own arm. Personally I believe this is why I'm having muscle spasms, but of course the doc can't say that. Finally at my appointment today he gave me permission to lift something that is attached to me and I have to take everywhere anyway. Sounds silly. He even signed the physical therapy prescription for it! Woohoo, victory!!

...and then the bomb dropped. If the muscle spasms don't stop in a couple months he's going to go do surgery again and cut my biceps off from the top of the humerus. Yeah, not too funny. He didn't talk about reattaching it anywhere...just said he didn't do it initially because I'd still need it for 60 years or so. And now I don't?! My first reaction was "first you've got to get me to consent and that's not going to happen" Fortunately, I didn't tell him that because I can't live my whole life with these spasms and really don't want to be a jerk. However I think having surgery again and removing more stuff is nothing short of drastic. I think and hope that my muscles will be a little less spastic and cooperative now that they are actually allowed to do something. Maybe they're just bored. Sounds better to me.

Bragging rights

2008-06-16T14:36:00.004-08:00

Actually they'd be my sister's bragging rights, not mine, but I still have a right to be baised toward my only niece. I thought I'd post a picture for you guys. Her name is Arica Leanne and she's around 8 months right now and absolutely adorable. Looks identical to the pictures of Tabitha at that age.

See, I told you she was precious, a bit precocious, and into everything. I've got five bucks that says my sister is going to have her hands full. (Actually I lied, I don't have 5 bucks yet, but I bet I can find someone to front me it for a safe bet like this...and then I'll have 5 bucks.)

summer school status

2008-06-13T12:27:00.002-08:00

Just a quick little note...In June 1998 I learned a very important lesson that I remembered until just this year. That was, DON'T TAKE SUMMER CLASSES!!!! But in my defense I really didn't have an option unless I wanted to lose another full year and not start med school til I was 30. Now that might be a worse fate.

I don't know how God always works. Our last organic chem test on Monday was brutal (my mind's still so shot I can't spell) I think half the class is dropping and that is of the ones that were still left. I didn't do that great on it either, maybe I did good by O.Chem standards but not mine. Fortunately (and I say that extremely hesitantly) the majority of the class did much worse and I ended up with an A from the curve anyway. Was that God? I don't know...I would hope that God wouldn't fail that many people so I could maintain an A and get into school. Then again that class has a reputation of failing people constantly anyway. Two more tests to go!! Thanks for the prayers

If Only Icy-Hot made bubble bath...

2008-06-03T01:21:00.002-08:00

Today was a good day...there was a bunch of work this morning which is good when it has been scarce for a while. However, the initial estimate looked like I had 30 hours to do in 2 days and still make it to class, study, fire dept, and maybe sleep? Not sure about that last one. I cut out eating a couple days ago and that helped with the time management. Thankfully, my boss cut me loose an hour early with the promise of working late tonight so I could go study for my organic chem test that I had by no means spent enough time on. I was just on the verge of panic.

But the test went well, God's so cool. I'm glad my study partner invented organic chem. I know I said that about Biology too, but what can I say he is busy AND talented! At the end there was only one question I wasn't quite sure of. Afterwards all my potential hiking partners bailed, but that was fine, I really needed to get some work done anyway.

Back at work...I just flew through all of it. It's still got to go back for comments and then I'll do the final touches, but if stuff really collapses (not the structure of course!) the first run through will suffice for now. I even made it home just before 1am. I took the dogs for a walk, baked breakfast for tomorrow morning (Yes), and even washed some dishes (if you remember from up top those are at least 3 days old, eeeew.) And that leaves me where I am now, studying (with a short break) and wishing that icy-hot would make a bubble bath for my pathetic shoulder. That would just make today end perfectly.

A GUIDE TO IMPROMPTU ALASKAN WALKS...UM HIKES…OR MAYBE MINI MOUNTAIN CLIMBS

2008-05-13T21:28:00.004-08:00

My friend Shasta and I decided to go for a hike at Rainbow tonight. Rainbow is flat, easy, and follows the gorgeous Turnagain Arm…it’s really a walk. So I didn’t really think much of it, I’m still trying to get back some semblance of fitness from surgery, a simple walk would be fine…

…Anyone who knows me well knows there is no such thing as a mild easy walk. Somehow I haven’t been able to figure this out yet. Shasta has a similar attitude, “Hey let’s go there!” Fortunately we both had waterproof, wind resistant jackets. That ended the preparedness however, so I decided to go over what we should have done just so that you guys can not be quite so naïve as us…

A Backpack! With a backpack those little extra annoyance become so easy to just bring along anyways…
Like…WATER!!!...a sweatshirt/warmer thermal. Actually I was wearing a (cotton, oops) sweatshirt, it came off early which I then proceeded to carry to the top no longer leaving my hands free for balance (which for me ended up a good thing so I didn’t inadvertently bump my injured arm)

OK, back to things to put in the backpack…Gloves…We got to somewhere between 2000 and 2500ft and it started snowing sideways. Back on the main trail to the parking lot my only ailment was cold, numb hands. Granted my hands lose circulation easily, but if you think you can climb without gloves in snow and 60-80+ mph winds you’re either Ross Baldwin or insane...or maybe even Nick Weicht (…hmm that might still fall under insane 

Maybe I should make a slight segway into our adventure. At almost a mile down the trail we reached this little outlook over the arm, and realized that our straight nearly level trail had taken us up maybe 500 vertical ft. After that the trail started going back downhill, which is never a motivating aspect for two climbers such as ourselves. Completely contrary to my character (yeah right), I suggested maybe could scramble up the rocks on the ridge for a bit. For a better view, of course. Shasta, crushing my elation, pointed out a faint trail 100ft away. It was a sheep trail. So up we went. And of course who wants to be the one to say turn around. We got up to about 2800-3000ft according to the topo map (not bad for an hour, 10min hike) and standing on one of those false summits looking at top within our reach we had a decision to make. Crampons, Ice axes, and ropes no way…we are bold, strong, climbers who laugh at the wind desperately trying to push us off that ridge. We giggled (like the confident girls we are) and danced lightly and sure-footedly to the top of that peak in 17min and 48sec. Oh yeah!!

OK reality check…like a jerk I told Shasta it was her decision whether we went on or went down. I gave her all the reasons this wasn’t a good idea.
1.) Going down is more treacherous than going up.
2.) If the rain and snow picked up it would be too slippery to make it down the way we came up.
3.) We weren’t prepared…we didn’t even have water.
4.) No one had a clue where we were or what we were doing.
5.) It’s just ending the freeze/thaw cycles. The rock is the loosest right now.
6.) We had no idea what that steep section behind a cloud was.
I say I was a jerk, because not only did I not give her a way to say let’s go, but also because I just wasn’t going to say let’s turn around. And turn around we did…which may be why I’m typing this now. And back to stuff for your backcountry outing…

Headlamp! Didn’t have one of these either
An extra shirt that’s NOT cotton. Yup I climbed a mountain in the snow in a cotton T-shirt…only Ross can be proud of me for this one for reasons we won’t mention. Seriously, I bring an extra shirt every time I go backcountry skiing and change at the top to get rid of that damp one for a nice dry one. We all know that going down gets breezier and colder.
I also might now consider safety glasses for anytime the winds top 60mph (after that I have no idea how fast its going) I’ve never done this before, but hey my sunglasses came with clear lenses. I’ve only used them for chainsawing, however now that my cornea has multiple gravel scratches from airborne pebbles…

I still probably wouldn’t, but you could add food and rain pants. The brisk hurricane kept any moisture hitting my pants from saturating it anyway. And food maybe a good pick-up, however that’s hoping the weather is amiable enough to stop and eat.

Well here’s the picture at the bottom. You can’t quite see where we were, it’s back behind there a bit, but we were well above treeline. And as normal you can see the weather cleared up at little bit by the time we got down, but it stills looks better than what it actually was that moment.

What is so intriguing about inclement weather?

2008-04-16T21:55:00.000-08:00

It’s a Tuesday night and we got out of the fire department training early so I’m gleefully relaxing in some rare down time. It’s 10pm and not quite dark yet (I love Alaska). I’m sitting in bed listening to the wind, watching the trees get whipped around and light snow come down. If I had someone to go against and some money I’d put $5 on one of those trees coming down tonight. Just a few minutes ago there was a loud crash on my roof I needed to go check on. It was just a branch though, no worries. It looks as though I barely got back from walking River (my dog) in time. It was windy and sideways snow then, but even more so now. There’s something so deep down invigoration about feeling the wind and snow pound on your face and seeing the ominous mountains rise up into the low clouds. Then you look out into the inlet and see white caps on the water brutalizing mini icebergs, rock, and silt deposits. Amazingly, everything looks gray yet alive and full of character which only sounds contradictory if you’ve never seen it. I am fully ready for winter to be over now that I can’t ski…yet for some reason I can’t stop smiling watching the pure and brutal power displayed in this environment. In contrast, there’s also the blue sky, snow-topped mountains, and spring shoots that are absolutely gorgeous. And the rocks are basked in the sunlight and warm to the touch, then you and your partner get to the top and it’s just a silent wilderness vista for as far as the horizon will let you see. Who knows, maybe you’re even pulling some Kodiak Nut Browns out of your pack too. I would never bypass either environments. They’re just different expressions of the same wilderness. Wow, Alaska sure is the place for me.

PSA: Be careful were you store your fire extinguishers

2008-03-24T16:04:00.002-08:00

Well God and I had a good laugh today, although I must admit I took a little longer on the laughing part.

I couldn't get a ride into my doctor's appointment today so I neglected taking my meds and just drove in myself. And anyone concerned about me driving has bigger problems. I am fully convinced some people have fake drivers license. The guy in front of me on the Seward Hwy was driving erratically, but I was dealing and not even getting annoyed (Yay for good music) Then we turn a corner and who knows what happened, maybe there was a goat 100ft up, but he slams on the brakes and I had to follow suit. As soon as I did there was this explosion from the back of my car and it starts filling with smoke. I figure I blew a tire pretty bad and pull over. Looking in the back (before I could even get my one handed seat belt off) I see nothing but smoke. I check the tire...all good...and have this sinking feeling that my car is really on fire. (and maybe I should have grabbed the jacket at least) I cautiously popped the trunk (thank you so much for the rope pull Ross) and just thick smoke. Great, I can't even get to the fire extinguisher or figure out where the fire is. Of course the other guy is long gone and I'm stuck in winter and in a sleeveless shirt and sling staring at my car wondering what to do now. Fortunately the huge cloud of "smoke" rose up and some visibility returned. There was no fire, just a couple ski poles, a fire extinguisher, and a really big mess. The fire extinguisher either got punctured or the safety pin wasn't very safe, I couldn't see. Very releaved I began to air out the corosive dust and clean off the windsheild.

So I have an important message for all of you smart enough to carry a fire extinguisher in your vehicle: Be sure to keep it somewhere separate from the passenger compartment of your vehicle, and that includes having the seats up accessing the trunk! It was just one of those days that make you want to laugh and cry at the same time. I won't go into the other shinnagins of the day, but it invovled more bad drivers, trying to set up physical therapy, and attempting to prop open the hood on my vehicle with one arm (very entertaining for all those in the parking lot who took one look at me and crossed to the other side) Sitting at school now I'm smiling and shaking my head. It could be worse, much worse. I wasn't feeling like everything sucks but sometimes it's good to have a reminder before you get to that point of despair. God must have decided I needed one of those today. So life's alright and God's great. Tonight I'm giving a verbal climbing lesson, this might prove to be amusing as well. Have a great, less surprising day.

Dependency

2008-03-21T22:15:00.004-08:00

Let's face it, most of us hate to be dependent on someone else. I know someone will argue with me that there's a lot of people who abuse the welfare system, or their friends and family even, that have no problem making themselves someone else's problem. And I'll even concede to that...yet for the most part the people I come into contact with like to be independent. We value self-sufficiency, strength, determination, oh yeah and just plain sucking it up.

Well, I had to have shoulder surgery a week ago and it's been a wake up call. I now need to be dependent on all kinds of people. I can't drive, but have to go to class...I'm living with a family from church because I can't live alone yet...I used to do dishes for my friends just because I enjoyed it and well they didn't, but tomorrow I'll need to admit although I tried the last few days, I shouldn't...some days I can't even open the prescription bottle! For 3 months I'm not allowed to lift anything or eventually even lift my arm above shoulder height, and then they'll start working on stuff SLOWLY. ARGGGH! So tonight I had Hannah (a 14yo girl I'm living with) cut my hair off all so I could brush it myself. It's made me stop and think why do I value and respect independency so much. Yet God tells us be dependent on him and the bible is full of talk of unity and community. It's said that Satan's ways are the most effective when they present themselves as a friend. Is this independency that is so ingrained in our culture now one of Satan's favorite strongholds? Is something that we see as so positive really in need of being tempered with God's grace? When putting it that way it's hard to say no and keep on living as I have. Thinking back a few years, I already have begun to change that mindset. It came in the little things like not being uncomfortable if someone held the door for me and finally accepting a granola bar from a friend when we're up skiing. I don't know how it would look to live both dependently and still functional with healthy relationships. I'm just starting to think maybe this ideal of ours is bit too high of a priority that comes at the cost of genuine, God-style loving relationships with those around us. There's a book called 'Irresistible Revolution' by Shane Claiborne that talks about living in community. I didn't completely embrace his lifestyle when I read the book. In fact I thought, if everyone goes and puts themselves into his position, who's going to go further from that immediate community and who's going to provide so much more of the help that is still needed. I still do feel that way, but maybe there's more to his ideas then I originally credited them.

Well I got scolded for not writing more. So here's what's going on in my life that's completely honest and humbling. I may not like this stage of life I'm in right now, but I do know I've got a lot to learn from it. I hope you don't need a surgery to find your dependency.

Sometimes God is obvious

2008-01-14T13:57:00.000-09:00

It's great when people affirm you, but it's even better when God does it. Sunday I got a little affirmation that said 'no you're not over the top and you are on the right path.' I love how God will use reoccurring messages to get your attention too.

Saturday night I was reading a page written by my friend Ross. He was deciding what kind of physician he was going to be. Not as far as specialties, but personality and spiritually wise. He's making those decisions now so he can set goals and take steps that will put him on the path God intended for him. (Maybe some of that is a little too inferred, but I hope I know Ross well enough - his page is on the side bar too)

Next Sunday morning I went to Girdwood Chapel. Pastor Jim was talking about our identity and the masks we wear with others to be accepted. He included a quote (if you want I'll find out the author)..."The world will ask you who you are and if you don't have an answer the world will give you one"... Wow does that resonate true! And it seems to me that the answer the world will so generously provide is not the one our heart would have chosen. There's a song that says "You've got to stand for something or you'll far for anything." How can we stand up to temptations if we only say yup that's bad and go on our way without consciously deciding and planning to combat it. When we address who we are and where we are going it makes the choices in the moment more clear cut. I'm not saying that we won't be tempted, only that Satan has lost one of his favorite attack angles. Things are more easily dismissed when we can confidently say..."I'm not a liar", "I'm not an adulterer", "I'm not a murderer" (which by the way according to Jesus we commit murder every time we hate our neighbor, brother, other driver, classmate...)

Onward with the "coincidences", I went to Change Point next and Karl was asking 'Are we a common follower, luke warm, and tepid? Are we settling for just what we can produce in ourselves?'(Greatly paraphrased)Or is Christ alive in us and we are stepping out of the safe common group.I don't know how to write it without appearing to just be about actions. It's more. It's also saying - God take the controls, not just the map like a driver not trusting the passenger with the directions, and ending up in a bad section of town.

We also had a "Come as you wish you were" event at youth group that night, but I'm already being way too long winded.
So this is who I am:
I am a passionate follower of Christ.
I fear being accepted by the world and compromised in my beliefs, not the other way around.
According to the bible the Spirit is alive in me therefore I know I am:
I am kind and loving
I am gentle
I am good
I am patient and self-controlled
I am faithful
I am at peace
I am joyful

And even cooler yet - this is what he his written for you as well.

just a little update

2008-01-02T23:29:00.000-09:00

Well I don't have much to write this time, but I thought I should give a little update.

As far as the lifeguard helicopter, they found John Stumpff's body and some wreckage washed ashore. The rest were not recovered but the helicopter appears to be at the bottom of Prince William Sound. John was the nurse, Cameron Carter was the paramedic, and Lance Brabham was the pilot. They were transporting Gaye McDowell from Cordova to Anchorage. The impact this has had on Alaska EMS is hard to comprehend outside of the service. We all know very well the dangers of helicopter transports, yet the benefits outweigh the risks for those dedicated personnel you do it everyday. All we on the ground can do is pray and put our trust in God. The men and women who serve and fly are the best of the best, well equipped to do their job, and selfless caring people. My heart goes out to them and their families. Statistics say someday this will happen again...but for the crew I know and respect odds are good it may never happen on their shift. In the sad and tragic case that it does, I'm glad God is their wings.

I was going to write more about what was going on in my life, but check back in a few days. I couldn't bear to just carry on as normal after reflecting on the lifeguard crew. They at least deserve their own post. So a little more info about the crew.

John Stumpff was 47 years old and had a wife, two daughters, and a granddaughter. He had also been in the Air Force then a firefighter/paramedic in Dover, NH (awarded firefighter of the year too) before moving to Florida, then Alaska as a nurse.

Cameron Carter also worked for Central Emergency Services as a firefighter/paramedic in Soldotna. He was just 24 years old. He was one of those people everyone just loved to be around. Always caring and thinking about others first, constantly smiling, and up to any challenge.

Lance Brabham - I wish I knew more, but I believe he had flown for lifeguard for a year and was 42. I couldn't verify anything on line, but I believe he also was married with a kid. At the memorial they said he loved tinkering with anything electronic. Great for a pilot, eh? Please if someone know's more let me know.

I know even less about the patient.

Prayers Needed

2007-12-04T16:52:00.000-09:00

Yesterday a Providence Hospital Lifeguard medievac helicopter went missing somewhere over Prince William Sound. There are 3 crew members and a patient on board and as of the last I heard, no ELT has been found (emergency landing transmitter? I'm not completely sure what ELT stands for but it's used to locate down aircraft and may not have gone off if they didn't hit hard enough or not be heard if they are upside-down or underwater.) The bad weather has kept the Coast Guard helos on the ground. Please pray for lifeguards safe return and for family and friends who are waiting to hear anything. Also, please don't forget the Coast Guard rescuers who are trying their best to save the helicopter passengers just as the Lifeguard crew was risking their safety for that patient.

An Incomplete Analogy

2007-11-28T17:21:00.000-09:00

I like analogies. They usually cause me to think about something in a different way and deeper than I normally would. Since I've been doing a lot of climbing in place of shoulder therapy lately I almost feel like I'm back in college. For those of you who don't climb, I'll try to explain a little better.

I was working on a new overhanging route at the gym. It was definitely pushing my limits but I can always let go before I do anymore damage to my shoulder. I was stuck at one obstacle and asked a couple of climbers who were better than me for advice. "You've got to cut away your feet" they said. For those of you who don't climb or are just starting, this is bad energy and strength management. It means putting all your weight on your arms (hmm, bad shoulder) and then using your core muscles to prevent flying backwards off the hand holds and instead moving in a controlled manner to the other side. And once you start the move you're committed or dangling. Doable, but takes a lot of strength away from the rest of the climb and is usually seen in novice climbers but with more flailing.

Anyway, where I was going with this... We all talk about Christ as the Rock (although right now I'd like to think of God as the rope). I've thinking about my walk with Christ and some of it's similarities to climbing with shoulder rehab. The first step was placing my feet on the rock (critical in faith and climbing) and study the Rock. Not only to learn but to know well. Each obstacle to overcome meant spending more time with the Rock, and once you're past one...don't worry there'll be another. Yet there comes a time when I need to commit, trust, and focus on the Rock and path not any hestitations, fears, or personal limitations. (That's where this analogy is incomplete--faith wise I would never want to take my feet off the Rock. And when we reach out to Christ he grabs on to us as well. Try to get that out of any rocks in the Chugach!) So when I'm moving along Christ's path and am uncertain of something, climbing tells me to try the route, commit to it, and if I fall...well I'm wearing a rope. God will catch me. I don't need to worry about what would happen without God...that's covered.

So my whole stint of back to school and trying for this med school stuff. God's got me sailing through 5.13s (102% in A&P so far)....

God bless and don't be afraid to take some risks.

John John

2007-10-30T00:04:00.000-08:00

I did something new today that I've had floating around my mind for quite some time. I was at Costco getting groceries and instead of going somewhere else to eat dinner before class I decided to just get a multi-person tray of pre-made turkey wraps (don't ask me why, I don't even like turkey) so that for not much more I would have a bunch of extras to give to the homeless guys on the street. So after class I found a parking lot and walked up to a corner feeling rather silly carrying a tray of food. I met John John, a 30/40ish man with a cardboard sign telling all the drivers to smile. Half backpedaling, (I don't know why, who cares if a stranger thinks I'm crazy) I said "Sir, this may sound very odd but I think God has told me to bring you supper tonight." I don't know if I thought he was going to laugh at me, say 'no, I just want money', or think I was trying to poison him, but I was quite shocked when he was grateful and took the food. He first said "I'm going to pray and eat this right now" but then stopped and said no he was going to wait for his friend (Michael "Savage" Savick) so they could both share it. He then asked me to pray for him. I don't have the humility to ask for that! I guess that's one of my weaknesses/sins. We talked for about 20 min...he couldn't quite tell me how he got to where he is now, but I know he came from the southwest. It seems most of the homeless come to Anchorage from somewhere else in Alaska. He had already stayed at the shelter for 30 days so now he wasn't allowed back for another 30 days so his goal for the night was to find a warm place to sleep off the concrete and out of the wind. He had a small plastic shopping bag with a thin blanket in... I wished I would have had another one to give him.

Maybe next time I'll get a pizza and find someone to share dinner with and actually listen over a meal.

God is Good, God is Holy...God is INVIGORATING!!!

2007-10-16T17:15:00.000-08:00

It is amazing how much work you still have to do even when the construction business is slow and you don't have to go to work everyday (or much at all :-( I guess everyone thinks you have all sorts of free time now and can do every volunteer project they can possibly come up with. The good side is I get a little extra income from the fire department for that, the bad side is I didn't have a day off for a month. Between the fire department, church, school, side projects for friends, and a little work I was exhausted and didn't even realize how much I was doing...

So this last weekend I decided I was going to Kenai to at least get out of Girdwood. So I took a tape measure, chainsaw (for working on the property), my school books, and the fire dept. lesson plans I needed to write. Some vacation, eh? Well God was riding the navigation seat, and it was awesome! I got my new beater car registered at the DMV, got to see the Baldwins, met one of my new neighbors, and spent a lot of time wandering through the woods with a compass and tape measure marking property lines. And then I got to saw down a tree for the first time ever. If you have never gotten to hang out with God in the middle of nowhere with drizzling rain playing with a chain saw...you ARE MISSING OUT. Talk about invigorating! I cut down trees, trimming them into fire wood and brush piles for 4 hours. My shoulder didn't even hurt, my back was a tad sore from bushwacking out with armfuls of firewood, but no complaints. In the end I was disappointed it was getting dark and I couldn't play any longer. I grabbed a hot cup of soup and then took a hot shower at the Baldwins. It doesn't get any better than that. Go ahead, give it a try. I can't wait to have enough time to go dancing with the chain saw again. And I'll thank God that he kept me incident and injury free...a tall order when you've got an over-excited Alaskan girl in the middle of nowhere with a heavy-duty power tool she's never used before. And thanks Nate, for that quick overview of how to cut down a tree three years ago...

God will Provide again and again

2007-10-01T17:27:00.000-08:00

Status update: God is great, he's taking care of everything, and I love being back at school.

So here's the background story....I bought a piece of land in Kenai, I started class at UAA, and there hasn't really been any work since I've got back from Ecuador. I've gotten little projects here and there and a few shifts at the fire station, but nothing like the income I had budgeted for because we had a bunch of projects lined up. Well the bank pulled financing on construction projects here pretty much across the board leaving me with only new student and property bills and no income. The insurance company was still jerking me around and not paying accident bills from way back in March even...

This previous week I was trying to go through expenses and realized I didn't have gas money to go to class anymore, I had just been putting it on the credit card (great eh?) and hoping some work would come up soon. I needed a car with better gas mileage than the truck but the initial investment there was just too much. Then my friend Jamey was leaving for Oregon, so I went out to Hope to see him where he was bartending. Another guy, Mike, there I talked to liked to trophy hunt, but only if he had something to do with the meat and was always looking for someone to give meat away too. There's the groceries.

He was also selling a descent little car for relatively affordable--just not for me. Then Jamey says..."Becki, you can just have my car". He had replaced it with a more reliable one a couple months back and wanted the old one out of his driveway. I still say it was the Holy Spirit he was listening too whether he knew it or not. So I bought a $40 battery and Jamey put it in and delivered a running car to my doorstep. Yeah, he says it has problems, but no more than my truck right now and I'll rely on God to help with that when they come up. I'm extremely grateful to be able to go to class for a few more weeks. One more little hint that God does want me to go back to med school.

I told the condensed car story at Girdwood Chapel Sunday when we where offering up joys and concerns...and Ida felt moved to help me out with a couple more tanks of gas.

Part of the insurance check finally came through...Adam drove me to class yesterday...

And finally, I had my first Anatomy and Physiology test which I had prayed about and done a lot of studying...I got a strong A...the class average sure needed a lot more help though.

I'm still praying for work, especially steady work...but I know it's going to work out just how God plans it. Don't be afraid to trust him. Phillipians 4:6 says "Don't worry about anything, instead pray about everything. And the God who is your father will provide for all your needs" (might be slightly paraphased)

pictures and summaries

2007-08-22T23:21:00.000-08:00

Pictures from:

Guayaquil
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=43319&l=26264&id=652755300
Riobamba
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=44223&l=8585c&id=652755300
the Jungle: Puyo, Shell, Tena
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=44231&l=1b55f&id=652755300
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=44227&l=f2e0f&id=652755300
Hacienda of Hope (the orphange north of Quito)
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=45469&l=676ba&id=652755300

Well the easiest part's done...now what did I learn and experience...

First off those of you who are hoping to here of huge miracles and massive impacts...keep reading you won't find it here and I think that's the point I really need to bring back...God's in the ordinary. He's there when you're stuck in traffic, there when your doing the laundry or dishes, he's there in a smile, and a simple conversation you thought never meant anything and may not of at the time. It's easy for us to pray God do something big, show me your presence. Or to think that we need to go to church to encounter him. But if we set our minds to look for the magnificent we will miss the everyday blessings and joys. For homework go read 1Kings 19:11-13. Just kidding, I do suggest it but I'm not here to preach and tell you what to do. I'm here to share Christ's love through my actions and experiences.

Second: Throwing money at a problem won't work. It was disheartening to see that the problem wasn't due to lack of charity and money. It was because of the lack of infrastructure and people to implement positive change. Change to help permanently, not just enable the lifestyle they're in. It's extrememly sad to see TVs and empty soda bottles everywhere with raw sewage in the street and a diet of only white rice with no nutritional value. Education does wonders. It takes people, not necessarily skilled people either. Some of this comes from talking with Adam about Hatti too. Our charity without people interacting does more harm than good.

Third: Walk in Faith and even if you get it wrong God will bless the situation if your heart is right. Believe it or not, God's not sitting up there weaving this huge puzzle with vague hints just waiting to smite you if you get it wrong. Sounds funny put that way...but I was really afraid of that for a while. Talk about a relief.

Four: Evanglism--People need to experience God's love through US before they can really listen to his word through us. My favorite quote is "Spread the gospel at all times using words when necessary" I wish I knew who said it. Any ideas? If we don't open our hearts, lives, and homes to people how will they see in us any difference? How will they see this love God has that we talk about?

Fifth: When you look at doing God's work as a priveledge, all of a sudden you're grateful for the opportunity to be part of it. Grateful to pull over and help someone with a flat tire. Grateful to be smile and be friendly to that cashier that's had a long day. Grateful to see a hitchhiker. Grateful for the phone call from that person you never really want to talk to anyway...

Sixth: And part of this comes from women's bible study tonight...Unity. I'm praying for a revolution. I revolution that defines our faith by how we walk as followers of Christ and not by rules, rituals, and pin-pointed beliefs. In Ecuador everyone wanted to know if we were Catholic, Protestant, Baptist, etc... We are God's children. Ephesians talks so much on the unity of the body. And no we can't do it as just one person...but if we don't take that step as an individual it can't happen at all.

I'm getting kicked out right now. Please feel free to comment and debate.

God bless you all, especially those not reading this too.

The freedom in giving it up

2007-08-12T23:14:00.000-08:00

Wow, so much is happening and I haven't even had time to update the end of Ecuador! But I will...Here's the new stuff:

Thursday and Saturday I went down to Kenai to look at land. Where at once I was certain about God's plan to move me to Kenai and I was seeing confirmation, now I'm confused again. It's not that I'm sensing not to buy land down there, just that if (IF) med school is really what I'm hearing than I don't see how the two go together. Unless the property is an investment to pay tuition bills. Either way I know the how is not my department, we are just called to act in faith. So here's my decision, I'm going to get land if something comes up, I'm also going to take Anatomy and Physiology and start studying for the MCATs. Then I'll pray for God to open and close which doors he feels like. So I'll probably put in an offer this week depending on what Darren's opinion on the lots is.

Saturday I had called the Baldwins and left a message I was in town, I didn't hear back at all so I figured I should just go back to Girdwood. But trying to mail a letter I locked my keys in the truck and it took quite a while to get them back. Just as I was back on the road and leaving Soldotna, Ross's dad called back and I turned around. It was a great night with Rick, Bobbie, Becky, Sophie, and Brant. I really miss having family around Alaska. But bedtime came and I wasn't sleepy yet so I had plenty of time to think. Dangerous, eh? There was a guy I was excited to possibly start dating and spent a bunch of time together Friday night. Things looked pretty promising...but the realization started to sink in that this wasn't in God's plan, at least not yet. Forget career aspirations, I don't care how well I did in school my priorities circled around having a family and kids but it was looking like God didn't have that in store anytime in the near future. I felt like I needed to choose between my dreams and God. Fortunately all those prayers for wisdom and patience came to afront. Saturday night I realized that when I decided Jesus was the most important thing in my life I was still holding that relationship/marriage card in my control yet praying for him to make it work. Saturday night for the first time I gave my entire life to Jesus Christ.

I can tell you now that the instant I gave up my own hopes, dreams, and ambitions, God delivered me from the fear and anxiety I had about finding a husband. It is not in my control any longer. That's not saying I don't still hope for it, but it's a good hope not one of idolization and shifted priorities. Lee Hudson from Change Point told me my problem was with relationships. But I had it under control..."I didn't let it interfer" with my walk with God. But God doesn't want us to control everything, our mind still isn't right then. He wants us to rely and trust on him and admit we are powerless without him. The really funny "coincidence" is that the message from Dan Jarrell at ChangePoint Sunday was right in line with what I learned Saturday night. Dan talked about giving it all up for God. One of his points was that if he resist and rebel we will lose it anyway. It was something I could agree with, but I'm glad that was not the thought that changed my mind Saturday night. Saturday night my focus was on Nick as much as myself. I was thinking that it wouldn't be fair for me to go into a relationship with him that was only half way since I didn't know whether or not I'd be going to med school. At this time in my life with the inability to commit the relationship would only be serving a fleshly desire and causing temptation. The fact that he was okay with no sex before marriage did not mean the thoughts would be vanquished as well. Right now my goal is to be-Christ-like in all my relationships. (Sorry Ross and Daniel you have been my true friends while I'm trying to figure out how to be a good friend--these guys have stuck by me anyways even when I failed miserably and inadvertantly hurt them.)

If God blesses me with singleness for my entire life I will be able to serve him with all my mind, heart, soul, and strength. If he blesses me with a family down the road I will praise him as well and hopefully remember this lesson and still serve him with all my mind, heart, soul, and strength. Thank you for reading because I'm bursting with anticipation and joyfulness at this new step in my faith. Thank you for sharing it and please tell me yours...

I lied to the airline...

2007-08-04T14:18:00.000-08:00

My current status is back in Girdwood...it was a 68 hour travel adventure that included a bit of stumbling. So I'll confess and fill you in on the end of my trip. Hopefully tomorrow I'll have pictures and a final post for Ecuador. After that, you really don't want to hear about my daily life. But I'll post whenever God does something amazing (usually doesn't take long) or something else comes up so feel free to stop by every once and a while.

So I made it out of Guayaquil, through customs, and into Houston airport. I had decided it was better if I would go visit Daniel and his family than go straight home. I promise my intentions were the best but I quickly fell into the thoughts of the world and the sinful nature. I went to change my tickets prepared to pay the change fees and maybe a little more. Everything went fine at first and I found it would cost me $400 to fly out first class (the only thing open) the next day. I had never flown first class so I met it with hesitant amusement...and Daniel was worth it. Then he came back and said no, since the plane stopped, even though it didn't deboard in Seattle, I couldn't change tickets to that flight. In fact I couldn't change at all. I could only buy a whole new ticket for last minute first class and still pay the previous ticket. I was looking at double my original ticket to Ecuador and in tears because I felt God wanted me to go spend time with Daniel but I didn't have the money. I guess I just stood there long enough that the guy said or you could just say you couldn't find the gate and miss the plane. He sent me up to through security, but I realized when I got there that he still had my boarding pass and I was not about to stand in the long line for another hour or so. Crying and exhausted and frustrated I told the TSA lady I was sick and had to leave. I don't know how I managed to combine trying to follow God and lying in the same task, but that was the sinful flesh nature I gave into. I walked right out of the airport and to a rental car to head to Arlington and deal with the consequences later.

Warning: this next part is not to make excuses, there is no excuse, it is to show how little white lies and omission lies are still lies.

I was sick. I had a migraine from the bus and plane ride that had subsided a bit, I needed to stop and rest, I was nauseous, and my stomach hurt. All reasons I could not get on a flight and have travel insurance deal with it. It was a reason, but on any normal day not the reason I wouldn't get on. I didn't get on so I could see my friend that got shot. I got on the road finally and amazingly felt a lot better too. I went and saw Daniel who is doing much better and at home now. He still needs your prayers though, don't stop. The doctors say he will be on IV antibiotics and a "wound vac" sticking out of his back for the next month. It will be 6 months for a full recovery. Yet the God I know is bigger, more powerful, and awesomely wonderful than that. So I'm praying that us as his family and friends can trust in the power of God and not just in the doctors. Through our prayers God can do a miraculous healing in Daniel if only we have the faith of a mustard seed. Yet the scriptures also tell us the story of a father and his sick son in Mark 9:24; "I do believe, help me overcome my unbelief!"

Well Daniel wasn't sick enough to not be a truly great friend and call me out on my sin. Friday morning I called the airline and told them I was sick and had missed my flight, needing to reschedule. They said I was already rescheduled and was flying out in 6 1/2 hours so I needed to leave Arlington really soon. I wasn't okay with it, not at all. But it wasn't until Daniel said he was disappointed with me like a true friend that I was able to have the strength to fix it. When I got to the airport, I flat out told the lady I had lied and had missed my flight because my friend got shot and I needed to see him not because I was sick. They didn't even care. I had damaged my integrity for absolutely nothing but Satan's glee. So now I apologize and ask for forgiveness I don't deserve and repent. As far as I know the airline hasn't charged me anything extra, if they do I'll pay it. It is so easy for me to justify my way around stuff when it doesn't make sense...yet it is sin. And I'm not held captive by sin anymore, so I'll keep praying for the strength and wisdom to overcome.

Keep praying for Daniel, hold fast to the Lord, and have a very blessed day!

Randomness

2007-08-01T18:40:00.000-08:00

I made it to Guayaquil, even took the taxi to the airport. (Sorry Roberto) Roberto had said not to take the taxis but after a little over 12 hours of 3 different buses trying to make it to the airport, I wasn´t going to figure out the city bus system.
Don´t get me wrong, one of my favorite parts of Ecuador was its transportation system. It´s great I could easily get around the country by just standing on the side of a road somewhere and sticking my hand out when I saw a bus I liked. Usually taking less than 5 min, except that one time outside of Tena. The cities got a little more tricky...but I didn´t have to travel through cities often.

Strange occurance of the bus ride from Tabacundo to Quayaquil--this older man (60s) just walked into the women´s bathroom in Riobamba and started talking to me. I little bit too polite for my own good sometimes, I just humored him instead of telling him to leave. He told me I was too pretty to be traveling alone... If there was some pick up line after that I missed it. I think he was just a lonely man that walked into women´s bathrooms. Odd.

The first airport internet guy ripped me off, I should have know when he asked for advanced payment and none of the other places did. After 10 min he let me online for only 4 min when I had paid for 30. I don´t get it, this second guy is nice though and doesn´t speak with so much of the Guayaquil accent.

I didn´t find that person to encourage yet like I was hoping too, so I think I go read my bible and encourage myself. (I could use it too.) God bless.

Christ in us

2007-07-31T14:19:00.000-08:00

Well it's my last day at the Hacienda...in about 28 hours I'm supposed to be at the airport in Guayaquil waiting to get out of Ecuador. It'll be mixed emotions. Alaska is my home and I do miss it. It drives me nuts that the sun goes down at 615 every evening. No change. But it's a good note to end on, hence the title. Maria asked me today why I wore a cross on my neckless. A couple of the girls have asked before but I really couldn't put it into English words, much less Spanish. Today I didn't think, just spoke in Spanish (I actually had to think to put it back in English)... I told her Christ lives in our hearts. "Aqui y aqui" Here pointing to my cross, and here pointing to where it would have been on her. God lives in me? she asked. I told her shocked face "God lives in you" a couple times before going on to say He's in all of us. I told her it was a reminder for me and a little physically present thing to fiddle with when I'm confused or nervous or need more strength then I have. She was bound and determined to hug me through the entire breakfast then. Poor girl, I eventually told her she needed to eat.

I've gotten my Spanish to the point where I can communicate pretty effectively now, although not always gramatically correct or as fast as I'd like. Last night I translated how to play Canasta to mixed language company. Someone else could have, but it fell to me and went great. I explained again to someone else today. I feel good about that, but tomorrow is Guayaquil and they talk funny down there! I was really hoping to work at that same clinic again but it fell through so I'm now in a bus dilema with all the times off and ackward. Spiritually I don't know why the clinic didn't work out, that's were I felt the most used and at the right place through this entire place. But like Ross said when he left it isn't for us to always know the whys. Maybe I'll run into and encourage someone tomorrow that really needed it. I hope so.

Los Dios en la manana

2007-07-30T07:07:00.000-08:00

Left to right Me, Jhon, Katy, Jorge, Maria, Dayana, Gladis (I spelt some of their names wrong the first times)

A pretty lazy morning here. I got to practice my Spanish a bit. it always seems to get better when I travel. This time I got around rather easily and even helped some other people. I got to talk to Martin and Lorena about God a bit. Mostly about family and showing through love. It's hard to explain the difference between just religion and knowing God and Christ in English....much less in Spanish. I also read some of the Acts (Hechos) in Spanish this morning and found out James is Santiago is spanish. I would have never known except for the order.

I got to play football with the oldest kids and Martin for a bit too. I think that shows more of God's love than talking, I hope so anyway. Leo (Leonela the oldest girl) is starting to warm up to me a bit. At first she literally ran away. Tomorrow night I leave, I hope I can befriend her before than...she seems really afraid.

A couple days of fun...

2007-07-29T16:12:00.000-08:00

Yup, I took a couple days to do some of the things I used to do everyday. First off, I climbed my highest mountain/volcano yet! 14,500 ft! Honestly I had no idea the change in oxygen levels occured that drastically. HDE is at 10,000ft and I wasn't having any problem although others had been complaining about it...but then Tyler, Matt and I drove back and up from the camp with all the kids for a picnic lunch. The kids stayed with Larry and Charlene who have been filling in as house parents while Tyler, Matt, and I took on Mt. Matador(?). I really could not believe how my legs could go so easily but my lungs were burning. We still made it to the first summit rather easily, but called off the second 20ft from the top on the grounds that we had no rope and I've given up stubborn stupidity. I know some of you are saying yeah right back home, but at least temporarily and when others are with me I evaluating risks at little more conservatively. I'll post more pictures later...maybe after I get back.

Then Friday afternoon after finishing my sewing work and some playing, Tyler and I took off for Tena. The house parents were returning from vacation on Saturday and it was good to give them some time to get everything back to normal. So Saturday morning we joined up with 3 Minnesotians (I know start of a bad joke), a rafting guide from the Grand Canyon, a guy from the Netherlands driving from San Fransico down through South America for 10 months, and about a dozen absolutely crazy Britsh folk to take a 38km Class IV whitewater trip down through the Amazon jungle. That'll spoil me for a few years. Actually the water was a little low so the rapids were probably closer to Class III and we had really strong, good crew on our boat. We purposely went backwards down rapids so we could paddle hard back into them and surf. Then a little over half way through our guide (who kept throwing the other girl in the river) decided to let the Patrick the Grand Canyon guide guide the rest of the way. More of a challenge that way. We purposely spun the raft in circles going down one of the falls. And then at the end decided we could be a pirate ship and overthrow one of the British rafts. The other girl was the lone Britian on our boat.

After a great dinner that night everyone decided to go to a local music bar/club. I went along partially because I didn't want to be the only one but also because most of them had asked why I was in Ecuador and I didn't want to paint the picture of religion, legalism, and rules instead of freedom in Christ. The group that went rafting was completely into getting drunk and partying. I thought that it be best to show that you could have a good time without going over board. Anyway, the club got packed shortly, I had no interest of being there, was not having any fun, and my shoulder that was sore from rafting was getting yanked on like crazy from people trying to get me to dance. I left rather early, was not able to say good-bye to anyone, and had to walk back to the hostal alone (which was most likely better than staying at the club) I'm not sure if God didn't want me to go at all or if I just wasn't relying on the Holy Spirit enough to stay. On the bonus side I was the only one in the morning without a hangover!

I'm back at the HDE now and it's bedtime for the kids and I want to be respectful of the house parents who are still letting me stay even though they're back. Buenas Noches.

Pictures of the kids...don't miss the following post either

2007-07-25T20:01:00.001-08:00

Ross carrying Gladis, Maria, and Deanna

Juan (or John) and Larry and Charlene

Gladis, Maria, Deanna, and me

Ross, Gladis, and Deanna

Ross, Gladis, Deanna, and Maria (there the three youngest so naturally the most touchy and the lightest)

John, Jorge, and Katy playing monoploy (the short version)

John, poised and ready to attack--I dare you, turn your back!

Family life abroad is cool

2007-07-25T19:21:00.000-08:00

Another day at the HDE (Hacienda del Esperanza for short). I didn't get to play with the kids today :-( I actually spent the entire day sewing but the school curtains are done so the kids will have no glare on their computer screens. I can't believe they even have computers at a third world country orphanage school. I actually got really frustrated for a short while today. I wanted to come here and do something special. Selfishly I wanted to contribute something to God's Kingdom and the people here, but all I was doing was stuff that almost anyone with a heart could do. Like I said short lived frustration...I realized that's what it was though. God doesn't need me to do his work (yes I already knew that)and neither did these people here. What they needed was anyone. Someone. Someone to step up and say I'll follow, I'll serve, I'll go wherever you want me to. Just like thousands of Christains (and to-be followers of Christ) are doing silently and loyally every day. I'm proud to be counted in that number of nameless, normal, caring people. Reading the guest book from the Vozandes Hospital volunteer house there were people coming to serve from as far away as West Africa! That amazed me. The other thing that has really been changing the way I think is the number of families that are doing this. I wanted to mention a few...

First off, in Girdwood, AK--The Rogersons. Asa and Alicia have taken their children AJ, Brody, and Skyer (9 through 6?) on a year road trip of following God's lead as literally as it gets. They are currently living in the church parking lot in an RV leading up the construction on our church for the entire summer! The joy in those kids eyes and the model of living they are learning from their parents makes me miss Girdwood right now. I cannot even begin to say what an encouragement and influence this family has had on me for this short period of time.

Then in Shell, Ecuador we have Paul, Arles, Andy and Emily as mentioned in a previous post.

Also in Shell, Ecuador--the Welch's. I've only met this family once so I probably won't get all the names right. Feel free to comment with a correction. Celeste and Keith moved down to Ecuador with their 4 children, Brooke, Courtney, Natalie, and Valarie. Just moved! To help with the orphanage down there that has 26 kids and not enough room or help or funding from what I saw. Here's the really cool thing. Their youngest daughter had major health problems, but I have been told she's looking up miracurously. I can't even fathom the faith to follow God and move my child like that to Ecuador! Yet they are being blessed... I really wish I could have gotten to know this family more.

Still in Shell although now I really don't know children's names of approxiamate ages...are the number of doctors who moved down here with their families from the states to provide health care to an area that is in so much need.

Justin and Amanda from Tabacunda, Ecuador are here with the daughter Isabel(5ish) and Illianna(1). They are from HDE and Isabel is bilingual and spends her time playing with the other kids just like any other little girl from the states...

That's what I can think of right now.

These families have shown me a great example of how families can center their lives around the good of others and God and still be normal families. What a blessing these parents are providing to their children of values, love, service, and compassion. This is one great way to combat self-centeredness. I can't wait to have my own family, maybe not to move but at least a new kind of family vacation...just whatever God calls for. And I guess that's the other key point I need to hit here. It's all where he wants us at what time. The path is never the same for everyone, or any two people. Some of us are called to remain in our home towns. There's a ton of life, light, and love needed in the US. Yet some are called to go further and I'm saying a prayer for anyone out there who is being called but is feeling uncertain or tuning it out for family safety. There are blessings and opportunities more than we can know and God's plan is the best. He says He will never refuse our prayer for wisdom. I'm praying for the wisdom of seeing his plan without bias of fear. I'll pray the same for you. Good night and God bless.

It does get cold in Ecuador

2007-07-24T18:04:00.000-08:00

There are 8 kids at the home, 2 of them I haven't even met yet but the other 6 I'm now well acquainted with. They learned really fast that we (Ross especially) make great human jungle gyms. That's good, I'd rather have the giggles than the crying. There is Katy (10), Juan and Jorge (9), Maria, Gladis, and Deanna (6 or 7ish). And it is funny what they will say...I warned Ross I was going to post this so it's all good....the first breakfast when Ross came to the table one of the younger ones told him to go comb his hair. It's even funnier in Spanish. Then another little girl called him a cute little boy. This is one of the four girls he was carrying at one time the night before so I don't know where that came from...Then today Maria told me I was loca (crazy), when I asked her why she said it was because I was happy. It really didn't make any sense to me in that setting but it made a lot of sense in the world's viewpoint. The joy that comes from knowing and spending time with God isn't circumstantial. It's constant, never-changing. I find it easy to let my mood be dictated by the circumstances I'm in and that is what the world considers normal. yet when Im really following and walking with him those circumstances do get overruled, not by gidy happiness but by a joy that says everything else is temporary. That's seems to be where the world steps in and starts labeling "Jesus Freaks" and "Crazy" I told Maria I liked being crazy then...and if that's what it means yup count me in. I remember one of our women's bible studies where they talked about peace like a river...not stagnant, not boring, but new, adventurous, and a promise of ending at one spot. But to get there we have to jump into the river. And thinking that, I really want to go cliff jumping again.

Well back to the Hacienda, Ross left this morning to take his plane back to the states. I'll miss having him around but am definitely in the place I need to be. Justin, the associate director for the Hacienda found out I could sew so now I'm sewing curtains for the school they're building. This place is incredibly immense and beautiful, all brick, tile and handmade wood furniture, doors etc. I'll take some pictures before I leave. It is cold though. Last night I got locked out the girl's house because we were at Justin and his wife Amanda's house playing cards late and I borrow a guys computer when they all went to bed. I tried every window, door, including the 2nd floor balcony ones, knocked multiple times throughout the night. No one at the guy's place would wake up either. It was actually really strange and I doubt a coincidence. I'm not sure what was going on spiritually there, but I do know I spent an incredibly cold night on the floor as close to the oven as I could get not sleeping, just shivering. I've spent cold nights before, but usually do to my own choice camping ill-prepared. I now have a new empathy room homeless people and understand why the cardboard. (I used the foot mat at the door to curl up off the cold stone) And I have to say I'll be more likely to work and find a place for someone to stay that needs a hand...I'm glad my floor has carpeting.

Oh yeah, and today I was playing American football with the Juan and Jorge....and I caught it 98% of time, even one-handed and diving at times. That's instead of my normal 1% catch rate. The boys were all smiles too of course and I guess that's why I'm here.

just some pics for you

2007-07-23T10:40:00.000-08:00

My walk to the hospital-rough life isn´t it!

Ross and his new friend

cliff jumping with the locals

At the Hacienda

2007-07-23T08:06:00.000-08:00

Well I survived my three day test trial alone and am now out of the jungle. Yup with Amazon looks just like the movies...reminded me of Medicine Man. I took a bus to Tena but ended up there too late to get to raft at all. Everyone at the fire department and my parents know that I am extremely prone to motion sickness, however the first three long bus rides went great. I couldn´t believe it, really that´s a miracle to me. So I started wondering maybe I was cured and my days of motion sickness were over. God is awesome so I didn´t think that was a stretch. So I decided if I had no problems on the 30min trip from Shell to Puyo I wouldn´t take anything for the three hour trip to Tena. (I had forgotten to get it out of my packback before the other ones. I´m sure you can all see where this is going. Imagine a 3 hour bus ride with 61 people on a 40 person bus in the middle of the day in the amazon heat...going down a road just like Crow Creek Rd in Girdwood. I was the only gringo (gringa) on the bus, and it amused EVERYONE! Fortunately the bus driver allow me to sit on the floor right next to the open door 6 inches away from the cliffs on the side or drop offs. About an hour and a half into it I finally was well enough to open my eyes. WOW was it amazing. Shortly after I got kicked to the back of the bus again. Oh well it was an amazing view for a while.

We got to Tena and the only thing I wanted to do was get in the water. I found the rivers in the center of town after about an hour of being lost. there was a bridge over one where I was wading around, but I was already in the water, fully clothed, I didn´t care it felt great. So in true Alaskan fashion I walked under the bridge through waist deep water with my pack instead of the bridge. The Ecuadorians on the other side seriously loved it. However I quickly realized that I was in a fee entrance zoo so I went back to pay the guy and apologize. He told me I couldn´t have my pack and took it away. Not seeing any other good option I decided to just trust him and walked around the zoo. I found 4 boys cliff jumping into the same river and joinied them. No Mom and Dad, I have no idea what was in that river aside from water but it was well worth it and then some.

Ross and I met up later and started towards Quito and the Hacienda. We stayed in Braeza that night and made in to the Hacienda de Esperanza the next afternoon. (House of Hope--orphanage) It´s beautiful here! and the kids are fun. More later...

Left, Right, or Straight Ahead

2007-07-21T06:00:00.000-08:00

Two days ago I had this incredibly selfish wish that I was ashamed of and wanted to not have: I wanted to spend time with someone who spoke English! Well I got my wish with mixed results, although there was still some Spanish occurances that left me embarrassed and frustrated. I left Baños early morning on a bus to Shell. There was a very nice Ecuadorian business man sitting next to me, the Spanish wasn´t flawless but it went okay. I even managed to get off at the right place! For the majority of you who haven´t rode the bus system in Ecuador it´s hard to find where you get off if its not a major stop or the end of the route. the buses really don´t stop they just kind of slow down. Where I needed to go was not a stop and I needed to be there at 8am...yeah right. I even got directions to the hospital that I was sure I understood. However after 15min of walking I came to the end of the road without a hospital. I asked someone else, got the correct directions but of course was rather late. Dr. Koleski was a very friendly and tolerant guy though (intelligent too). And he spoke English whenever the nurses or patients weren´t around. He let me ask a ton of questions and I followed him around the entire first day. I can´t even remember all the patients, but I learned a lot.

At night I stayed at the guest house ran by the hospital. there was this really cool swinging bridge I got to take to "work" over the gorge and creek. I´ll post pictures later... There was a family from Iowa staying in the house as well, hence more of my English speaking wish. Arles and Paul had been down here, I´m guessing 10 years ago for 3 years working for Aviation Mission Field with there young son (now 13) who was born here. Paul runs an airport and fixes planes. This mission flys to 200 different villages in the jungle...wow. Now they are back for 3 weeks working at la Casa de Faye orphanage with their son Luke and daughter Emily (9). The orphanage is building a bigger place on new land. I got to go see the existing one and play with the kids for all of 5 minutes. Half of them are handicap and would have been drowned in the jungle. Others are just left on the street.

Day two, surgery. Yup I got to scrub in for the first time ever. It was neat and fascinating but I preferred the patient contact with the ones that were awake more. They took out the gallbladder on a 12 year girl with gall stones. Thank you Dr. Graham for letting me watch. He also removed a occculsive cyst and sat in on a bunch of consultations. The neat thing about the doctors here is that they all talk to each other and get input on abnormal stuff. One guy who was sick went to the Shaman first and they held him over the fire to "cure" him. Ouch. He had some bad burns we looked at. Dr. Koleski said there was a lot of spiritual warfare here and I can see it. It was amazing to see some people travel 8 hours just to come to the hospital, however that´s usually after they´ve seen the Shaman and too often it´s too late.
I said the English speech was a mixed blessing...here´s the problem...I stayed in a gated community. They almost all did, it seemed wrong to be separated although I admit on one occasion with a crazy guy (the locals knew exactly who he was without me saying next to anything) I was really glad to lock the bridge gate behind me. That doesn´t mean I still wasn´t convicted about it. How do we speak love to these people when we live in there community with 8ft high chicken wire fences some with barb wire on top!

I went to say goodbye to Dr. Koleski and he started talking about God´s plan for us. He said it´s like when we write our name with our prominent hand that´s when we are working in God´s plan. When we write our name with our other hand that is how it feels when we are doing someone else plan even if it´s our plan. He went on to say it was his plan for me to go on to med school but I had to figure out what God wanted. It was nice to hear that I´d be good at it and did well with patients but I´m not sure. Everything seemed so laid out at the being of the summer and I had confirmation with the steps....yet med school has been coming up since 8th grade so who knows I might go back to school yet. Yup Mom and Dad, I know that´s what you always wanted...at least my degree would be getting used. I think it´s going to take a lot of prayer time first though. There´s some major obsticles that God could overcome but I´d have a hard time on my own. I´ll just commit to following.

A day of rest and sightseeing

2007-07-18T19:29:00.000-08:00

Tuesday night Ross and I took a bus to Riobamba where Roberto´s family lives. After some language barriers we met up and went and had the best fried chicken I´ve ever had or could conceive of. Roberto (Roberto´s dad) and Nataly (his sister) got us settled in and then stayed up and chatted for a bit. They were a lot easier to understand than the people in Guayaquil and I had a lot of fun trying to communicate with his little sister instead of just frustration. We saw Riobamba and Guano during the day and then caught the bus to Baños. That´s where we are now. It´s a very touristy town but we got separate hostel rooms (actually hotel rooms) with their own bathroom for only $5 each. Ross is going to stay in Baños for a few more days but I´m catching the 6am bus to Shell. I have to be at the hospital at 8am. We will see how that goes. I´ll be there for 2 days and I´m not sure if the town is too small for internet...

Either way it´s great...I´ll be on my own and trusting God for wisdom only. It´s funny my Spanish is still really rough but I can´t wait to see what God wants to do here. This has been the only stop that´s really been planned in advanced. Afterwards it´s on to Quito and that seems to be in God´s plan as well.

Roberto if you´re reading this, I´ve got to say your family is great!

vaccinations and eye exams

2007-07-17T17:47:00.000-08:00

Vaccinations and eye chart exams...that´s what I got to do this morning. The others were taking weight, height, medical history, and listening to lungs and hearts. We were at a very poor neighborhood on the outside of Guayaquil. Some people now have septic tanks but there´s no sewer so there is literally urine running down the road, trash everywhere, and half dead animals. Surprisingly the kids looked really well. The schools were all uniformed which probably helped the impression and the kids are padlocked in. You sure couldn´t do that with American fire standards! Trying to explain to kids what to read and ask questions about clarity was really challenging with my limited Spanish, but was still a great chance. And vaccinations were just fun and routine, that didn´t push my comfort zone at all.

Another thing I´ve noticed is how much harder it really is to listen and understand Spanish when your tired. It is incredibly exhausting to have that kind of concentration constantly. It is so tempting to just listen and not try to understand, but then you never know what´s just breezing by. It struck me that sometimes that´s what we do with God. Listening to him takes effort, not just going through the motions. It´s easy to sit a listen for the big things or the words we know but then we miss the context and everything that is intend for us. I was reminded of a passage in 1Kings19:11-13:

The LORD said, "Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the LORD, for the LORD is about to pass by." Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. (12) After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. (13) When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave.

It is hard, it´s tiring, but that´s what I want to do, I want to listen for the whisper and encourage you to do the same. The results are overwhelmingly amazing!! God bless!

Oh by the way we are in Riobamba now, and will be heading towards Tena and Puyo.

Estoy en Guayaquil

2007-07-16T08:46:00.000-08:00

Well I made it to Ecuador...and I´ll praise God even for that. My first two rides to the airport didn´t pan out so last minute Mandy (Ross´s sister) took me in right before they had to go the opposite direction to Kenai. Talk about being a selfless and me learning how to accept and ask for help. So then on the 7 hour layover in Houston I was walking through the airport to kill time and on the other side there was my friend Daniel and his parents. They were on their way back from Quito, Ecuador where Daniel had just gotten released from the hospital. He´s got a little more time in American hospitals, check out Ross´s page www.rossbaldwin.blogspot.com if you want to hear the whole incredible story! Their flight got canceled so I got to spend even more time with them. I´m sorry he couldn´t finish the trip sooner, but was extremely happy to see him and pray with him and his parents. It was nice to have them wish me a good trip too, there´s been so many people who can´t believe I´m still going (OR HERE!!)

Of course my flight got delayed too but Ross, Roberto´s cousin, and a bunch of other people who I don´t know how are related were still there to pick me up. Thankfully Ross did the translating, after 30 hours of traveling I was fried. We spent the night at Roberto´s aunt and uncle´s house (WOW is the city loud-I´m not used to that) And this morning while being fed breakfast I listened to Ross explain in awesome Spanish how rich or poor in God´s eyes we were all equal. And how God listens to our heart. He told be about the Basillica church in Quito how the rich are up front because they are closer to God and the poor and indigenous people are in back since they are farther from God. Ross may have been sad by it, I´m just appalled but that´s the judgement thing I´ll have to work on. Ross has a connection at a children´s home I may go help at...not sure but we´ll most likely be on a bus tonight. A good parallel of how we need to rely on God is revealing itself to me practically now as I´m feeling completely out of place and having to rely on other people´s hospitality that I don´t know, humility in asking them to repeat stuff, and overwhelmed by Ross´s patience with me! I´m sure in a couple days I´ll be more accustomed, but I won´t forget the feeling of not being independent and will be able to apply it to my walk with God better than ever.

And for those who knew I was trying to get land...after being turned down for loan after loan, one company finally gave me some money at an extremely good interest rate. The catch was it had to arrive before I left for Ecuador or I lost the interest rate. Well it made it in Saturday´s mail and as I was frantically trying to transfer funds the company offer me even more which is now enough to cover the lot. (Providing it doesn´t sell before I get back) I´ve determined our God is a God who loves pushing deadlines! Halleluia!!

30 hours to go!

2007-07-13T12:38:00.000-08:00

I have to say I never thought I'd write on a blog but I'm sure most people say that. And I must admit Ross is right (shh...don't tell him though), it is a nice way to let your friends and family know what you're doing and where you are without trying to remember a bunch of email address, figuring out who wants you to email, and then how often....So read or don't read at your leisure. I'm not sure what kind of internet access I'll find in Ecuador or how often, but I'll try to post what God's been doing.

I'm not sure where God's going to take me yet, but I do know I can't wait to be on only his time. Tuesday night when I was reviewing Phillipians for the women's bible study it seemed that the pages kept missing and landing on Ephesians 4 instead. Ever since I can't get the words out of my head.

"I want you to get out there and walk—better yet, run!—on the road God called you to travel. I don't want any of you sitting around on your hands. I don't want anyone strolling off, down some path that goes nowhere. And mark that you do this with humility and discipline—not in fits and starts, but steadily, pouring yourselves out for each other in acts of love, alert at noticing differences and quick at mending fences. "

With some conviction I realized that this meant in preparation for what we humanly consider the big stuff. Aside from working (a lot) I've been studying Spanish like crazy, and perhaps missing some friends or little things of life where he is also. So thank you, for those who showed up at the Worship Night Thursday. Thank you for your fellowship and your pursuit of all that is true, honorable, right, pure, lovely, and admirable....thanks for coming together in His presense.

May God bless you and fill you with the peace only He can give.